The Bride and Her Groom

O pleasant is a person's life -

Beneath no cross to writhe,

To spend your truly rooral days

Midst smiling rustics blythe,

And drive your Poney carriage hout

Collectin of your Tythe.

But hevry rose has got a thorns,

Vich him that smells it feels;

Though at a distans hit alone

In pooty looks reweals,

And even Parsons has sum ares

Beyond their daily means.

Sometimes his curates goes estray,

Or Bishops thwarts his course;

Sometimes hit is a unpayed Tythe,

Sometimes a limpin orse;

Sometimes it is his childering dear —

So 'twas with Mister + !

Vich + by name he was, but not

I hopes by nature so;

Miss Alice was his daughter fair,

And she had chose a Bo

(The brightest eyes that shoots fourth darts

Will sometimes hame them low).

Equestering exercise she took

Whenever she'd a mind,

George Smith the groomb (haged 18 years),

He should have rode behind!

But hoft he cum up side by side,

Miss Alice was so kind

And to the stables she would go

Her darling nags to view —

Vich whilst she kissed their noses warm —

As most young ladies do —

Preaps, by haccident, she might

Have fondled George's toe.

Vich wen her father came to find

This orrifying fac,

I ope he neither swor nor cust

(No parson so should ack),

But he gave Miss A. a scolding sharp,

And Mister George the sack.

Ho, fancy those young loviers then,

Ow sad their fate did loomb -

Pore Alice she was sent up-stairs,

And to keep er roomb;

And pityus was the fliction hof

That sore young Boy the Groomb.

But love at locksmiths laughs, they say

And so (it wosn't right)

Sly Alice, wen twas dark, displayed

A burnin paper light,

Attractin George, to whom she vowed,

"We'll fly this very night."

Then she goes and packs her close

Vich sum was her mamma's),

And down the ivied wall she climbs,

Dispixin locks and bars,

And to the Rail five miles they walks

By lite of moon and stars.

Vich Alice, ven asumed kermand

(Has females love to do),

And took his capital away

(Vich worth £5.2s.0d.),

And bought two tickets for herself

And George to Waterloo.

Ven Doctors'-commons waked that morn,

The coves in aprins white

Observed (vich was to them a sweet

And soul inspirin sight)

Our Innicents a wanderin round

In anxshus puzzled plight.

Beneath the Arch these voskits [?] vite,

They led the infants in,

But R! too soon they turned them out,

Whilst lookers-on did grin —

Without her Pa they couldn't get

A Lisins to begin!

Their true love's course untimely checked

By hobsticles like these,

Towards Wandsworth Common off they set,

And sat beneath the trees;

And sor the windmill turnin round,

And herd the cacklin geese.

Vich rooral sounds inspirin hope,

They joins each other's hands,

And off they goes, and tells the Clerk

To publish of their bans,

And takes a lodgin in Love-lane

In a terras called St. Hans.

But soon to that abode of Bliss

Inspector Lovelace came

(It's hodd that such a man as im

Should av a hammerous name),

And on a vile phelonious charge

He stopped their little game.

Pore George he took afore the Beak,

Where Mister + arose,

And swore he steeled his daughter's heart,

And likewise stole her close

(Vich she it was as rifled him,

As well my reader noze).

Brave Alice boldly pled his caws,

And did herself avow

That she it was that pland their flite,

Becos "there was a Row."

And that it was a equal flame

She redly did allow.

But all er smilin blushin looks

They wos of no avail

To save her George from being soon

Remanded to the jail.

Until so be as he mite find

Two good substantial bale.

They bore him faintin from her sight,

And hall is ope he found

In thinking with wot faithful love

His Alice did abound —

That Hangel in a hat and cape

And spotted muslin gownd!

But, hout on fickle woman's love!

A week had scarcely past

Hare Alice broke the vows she swore

From life to death should last,

And flung away the faithful heart

That clung to hers so fast.

She told him he might "Go away"

She'd "never see im more" —

Inspector Lovelace, standing by,

It pleased his very corn,

And off to Ockham Mister +

His perjured daughter bore!

On Vensday last when George came up

His Alice was not there!

To him, the Beak who set im free

Spake nothing but Despare -

His fond young hopes he thought wos wrecked

Upon a quicksand fair.

But O, faint-harted George mistook!

(Like many a other man)—

Ven Alice bade him "Go away"

It was all a artful plan,

By soothing Pa, to keep him safe

From Lar's tremenjus ban!

No sooner was the case dismissed,

Then Alice, quite elate,

Declared that now, till 21

She patiently would wait,

And then to George she would return,

And be his married mate!

O sore it grieved the Parson's heart

Such desperate words to hear;

But hacting like a man of sense

He faced his fate severe.

(That he would have to yield at last

(He saw was very clear.

"A wilfull man," said Mister +,

"We know must hav is way —

Hay foreshory [?] , so will girls:

No longer Ile say nay —

That she may not her choice repent

I earnestly do prey!"

So Friday last, in Wandsworth Church,

There was a wedding gay,

And George and Alice one were made

By Mr. Gower that day.

The belles ring out! the people shout!

True love has got its way!

R, wonderful is woman's ways

To pleasure or to vex!

No wonder that they even did

A Solomhunn perplex.

O Soosan! lovelier than all

The loveliest hof thy Sex,

Be true to me, as I to thee,

Thy changeless